Life: an act of trapeze

Believe me or not but we do have this strange affliction of overlooking the good parts in our life. For us the grass had always been and would always be greener on the other side. Promises: that's what i had been oddly thinking about during my work out today and realised that God had been good to me and kept some of His promises very faithfully. Where i always used to feel as being the odd one out,today i can gel in and connect well with my family. Happy for that. :)

I am yet to start next phase of my life..marriage and all,but life's good at home with mum-dad too. Bridges have been built,no grudges,no complains and past seems unreal today,one that leaves behind a hint of having occurred a lifetime ago. God had been good to grant me this time in which i could laugh with my family,and honestly these will be the days that i would miss and cherish for all my life to come.

With the sudden realisation of promises fulfilled there arrives also the scent of trust that as long as His presence continues in my life things would get better. I might not get all that i want,but i would be provided with all that i need;that much i believe.

Life is a balancing act. I am not visibly depressed or broken down when i am sad. I still do feel sad,a void left behind by all the friends and people who had promised to stay with me through thick and thin of it...and did not. But i can contain all that and carry on without projecting any of it. Which i consider as a huge personal achievement. Likewise neither i am excessively overjoyed by turn of events in my favour.

I have learnt (and am still learning) that being calm and serene,holding your smile all the while trusting a higher force to align things for you is the best way to live a happy life. I read somewhere be like a duck,calm and composed on the outside but underneath the surface of water pedal like a devil.

A blessed night to every one and a soulful sleep.

Forever : the greatest Lie

'I would be there for you forever'
'I would never break your trust,i promise'
'I would always be your best friend and be by your side'

Different words,by different people heard so often by so many of us...and then more so often proved out to be wrong. Some of them shattered in the public eye,discarded like house waste,lying in the dump-spot that every neighbourhood posses. Others so,stuffed up in the dark corners of house stores but forgotten nevertheless.

Sad. Until recently i had been a very Bridget jones'y type of person in my life. Always hoping against the rising tide of misery and solitude that things eventually fall back into place and everything is well at the end. But only up until recently.

People have failed me just as much as i have failed my God. Or may be that is the reason why people have failed me. Trust is the costliest commodity for me. Hard to place,harder to sustain. And in this rage that i am walkingcrawling 'Forever' seems to be the greatest lie in the world.

You know how it feels if you have been promised and been denied. It could be a promise of undying love or unwavering commitment or even the promise of never ending friendship. When denied they all pain equally. I once mentioned to a friend that a relationship is as gentle as a baby-sparrow. It feels so fragile on our palm but even so it is a living breathing thing.

Feels now that it's choked very much near to death.

It is important to balance life,there is a fine blend of family,friends,work and leisure in it. I need to be much more careful about the growing need to create that balance. The prerequisite to that is to accept that i need blessings in my life for that. I continue to care for everybody but not to expect anything much from others. Goes like that : You need me...ok il be there for you,but i might not be coming to you for anything now.

Sounds dispassionate. But for now it has to work this way.