"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, May 24, 2013

So it turns out,the exams that i am preparing for here in australia (ADC) are getting even tougher. For every one person that i come across who has cleared,there are two who havent gone through and have abandoned any hopes altogether. Taking up some other profession and doing something else is just unimaginable for me.
I dont think i can and would be able to do anything else than being a dentist. I have never been anything else all my life! I know in my heart,God has not brought me this far just to abandon me. I know in my heart that if i keep trusting Him good things would happen to me. But the fear that accompanies the uncertainty of what future holds in store is just too gripping. When days are good i work well,i study,i cook,eat,take care of my husband and pray for my baby and my family but when days arent good i feel paralysed. Just a recluse,a dumbwit and no-good. These days i am totally shrouded in self-doubt and feelings of doom.
Just waiting for some light to shine.

Friday, May 3, 2013

This is my little prayer for the day.
Lord you had guided me here. I struggled and struggled and then gave into your wishes having faith that you would guide me to a better place.
You brought me here. And if not you then who do you expect me to turn to! You have to guide me through this too. Utterly lonely and anguished,i have no idea whom to turn to. Then at times i dont even want to turn to anyone else. Let my help come from above,let my help come from my Lord. If my tears cant melt you then they cannot melt anyone else. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Life is so utterly fragile.
So vulnerable, so indefinite and its strange i feel so while i have a life building inside me.
All that we do,say,think or plan where does it leaves us when the master decides to call us back home.
I often think about someone i lost from my family,and i guess anyone who had lost a dear one find themselves thinking about this too.
I just want to make something of me,the time that i had been given i want to make it count.
No doubt i want to be successful and comfortably settled but also i wish to grow spiritually with each passing day. I made a small prayer today. Hope it gets granted.

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