"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, April 26, 2013

For a long time,i disconnected myself from discovering myself here. The result was i got lost. When in anguish i found myself thinking about writing in the past and being in a happy place then. And then wondering why did i stop it. I shouldnt have.
I have loved some writers here. I frequently stalk some people here,because i love how they feel connected to everything. But for a long time i havent even read them. I guess i just wanted to dwell in my place. After a long long time happy things had found me. And i was sort of trying to keep my past away from the present and the future beckoning at my door. But no cant do it. Not anymore.
The time i had been away was the time i needed to heal. I did heal. And also i tried fitting me into grooves and places that were new for me. Many times i had wanted to login and come and write about the happy times,but my laziness got the best of me :). It's only when i feel sad and alone that i find myself craving for this space.
Screwing up is my thing,it is what i do. I have always messed up the good things in my life,good things that God had been planning for me,and i did pretty good with trying to screw it all up. He though was very gracious,He never left me even for a sec,and as always He did a good job.
That's what scares me,i dont wanna screw up again. Deep inside i feel very confident of things,but well i had felt confident of many things before too. They didnt turn up how i expected them to be! That leaves me on crossroads,blindly groping around in the dark,hoping that i would somehow make it someday.
Amen

3 comments:

The Unknowngnome said...

I've missed your personal touch here, though I've kept up with you on FB.

We all screw up what we don't want to screw up, we all fall short, but His love covers all and is sufficient for us.

Peace amiga.

Grace said...

Amen.
Oh should you come here only in anguish - dont want to see you here;-) then
Love you always coz tedha hai per mera hain :)

We are all flying together with our net trappings
Together we shall reach on the wings of our prayers
Much love

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

thanks for the encouragement,only lost and broken downs appreciate and know the real value of kind words :)

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