"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, April 26, 2013

For a long time,i disconnected myself from discovering myself here. The result was i got lost. When in anguish i found myself thinking about writing in the past and being in a happy place then. And then wondering why did i stop it. I shouldnt have.
I have loved some writers here. I frequently stalk some people here,because i love how they feel connected to everything. But for a long time i havent even read them. I guess i just wanted to dwell in my place. After a long long time happy things had found me. And i was sort of trying to keep my past away from the present and the future beckoning at my door. But no cant do it. Not anymore.
The time i had been away was the time i needed to heal. I did heal. And also i tried fitting me into grooves and places that were new for me. Many times i had wanted to login and come and write about the happy times,but my laziness got the best of me :). It's only when i feel sad and alone that i find myself craving for this space.
Screwing up is my thing,it is what i do. I have always messed up the good things in my life,good things that God had been planning for me,and i did pretty good with trying to screw it all up. He though was very gracious,He never left me even for a sec,and as always He did a good job.
That's what scares me,i dont wanna screw up again. Deep inside i feel very confident of things,but well i had felt confident of many things before too. They didnt turn up how i expected them to be! That leaves me on crossroads,blindly groping around in the dark,hoping that i would somehow make it someday.


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