"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Those who respect the Lord,will live
and be satisfied,not bothered by the troubles.
 Proverbs 19:23

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I might be a little too late in reading 'A Thousand splendid suns' but thank God i am never too late. What a wonderment,this book is ! I did like Khaled Hosseini's previous one,the Kite Runner and did see the glimpses of it in this novel too(like background of afghan war,orphanage,the illegitimate child and the returning of people that had escaped their war-stricken land) but i must say that all of it has been surpassed in this one.

I was moved to the bones. One reason might be because it's a tale of two women,and i could connect well with it(as many of the lot would be able to) and left me amazed at the thought that somewhere around the globe,on this very earth,women my age or even younger are made to endure all this. All through the book i had this uneasy feeling,queasy sensation smeared with guilt that i am doing nothing for them except the single act of reading about them and sympathising with them. Felt cowardly and non-deserving. 

Every now and then i had to close the book and keep it aside,catch some air,ponder over what i had read,and start again. Reading made me feel as im prying on the lives of mariam and laila,the two protagonists of the story. But i am grateful to the author for having interlacing the two tales so intricately and marvelously. Wish to read many more like these..

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I too have a story to tell

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 32; the thirty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is 'An Untold Story'

When i travel i fall back into this abyss that takes me to this weird place between dream and reality,a place i find myself dangling in, endlessly. Wondering what would be a greater relief,to hold onto or to give up. But then i write. Whether i write to fill up my heart and the vacuum within or whether i write to empty my heart of the clutter inside,that i know not of. I know that I just write.

I write what i see. And many times of what we never see. I write of tales never been heard that i see all around me,and no sir i do not see the faces then. I see 'An Untold Story'.

Masterpieces. They had all always been tragic. Much like Othello,Macbeth,Wuthering Heights or our very own Devdas. Such a tale was written on one nondescript face. Dressed in the fadest colour of blue,sitting by the train tracks. Eyes very much innocent. Skin very much pale. Frown very much justified. Condition very much pregnant.

She had her untold story written all over her face. Probably married when she was too young to think of herself. Probably to a man who at that very moment is drunk and in one of the numerous gutters of the city. Probably too tired to even pacify the child who is hungry,crying and tugging at her pallu. Probably feeling guilty of bringing an another one into this world.

Can i even imagine what her untold story is ! I dare not. Neither i dare to touch numerous ones that has died down without even their voices been heard. The pathos,the dilemma,the guilt is as virgin and untouched as her story. I find myself reading every single line in her deep frowns. Listening intently to every word in her drops of sweat. And then she stands up,and something scares me. That look on her face,it was resolute. But for the first time in my life i couldnt make out whether it was desperation or whether it was courage. One emerging from other,i guess.

She walks towards the rail-tracks. I panic. I could hear the train sounding its whistle,and it was growing louder each second. She takes hold of her child's hand and he allows himself to be dragged..crying and hungry. Meanwhile i was suffering from an attack of paralysis on my car seat as i saw her walking towards the tracks,refusing to even think of what was going in her mind. Every single molecule of my body was shouting "No,dont do it" except for my tongue that had tied itself into a gordian's knot.

Second crawled by painstakingly and i had seen the women walking away form me...towards her end...for ages. Or so it seemed. My hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel and my knuckles paled like raw peaches. Everything in me prepared me for the scene that i was about to register and i braced myself for the mutilation being inflicted on my coward soul. I held my breath when she took her first step on the train-track. My eyes widened,and my throat parched and stuck to my innards for additional support. One step followed another and then one little bit more,and before i knew she had crossed the tracks. I could see her receding figure through the gaps in the coaches of the train passing. Shaken for a moment and beyond,i saw she was going, leaving behind not just a thundering train but an equally strong train of thoughts in my mind.

A second later the railway crossing bridge opens and i drove past with an untold story in me.

photo courtesy  Google

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Introduced By: BLOGGER NAME, Participation Count: XX
Dr Mandeep Khanuja - I too have a story to tell
We grow with time,our opinions diverge,split and go haywire. Our perspective change widely,as if some kind  of blinders are suddenly removed from our eyes. And hence occasionally we start paying attention to some issues that we might have so easily missed before. Finding myself getting bored at midnight yesterday i started to see 'A Beautiful Mind' again. When i saw it before i always saw the wonderful portrayal of Dr John Nash by Russell Crowe. This time i was hit big time in the stomach by the semantics of husband-wife relationship. I accept i wouldnt have noticed every single thing so finely,if i hadnt been married myself. But now that i have,i am glad i did.

The point in the story where 'Alicia' just rescues her baby boy from getting killed,owing to her husbands schizophrenia attacks but still does not desert him,and infact gives her husband one more chance,when he pleads so was the highlight of the movie for me personally. To give without receiving anything in return and moreover to grant when you know no returns would be even possible is a tremendous task. It did teach me a lot. And contrary to my habit i will keep this one movie with me always,and i do plan to revisit it if and when i find myself in a pickle :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

And there i thought my year.....sss of reading novels brain would totally kick IELTS exam's a$$. But for now,its happening the other way round. What is it !!! Why cant i get it right !!! so many people give it every year,i mean how hard it could be !! Quite a bit....apparently:(. The more i practice the more my confidence ebbs. Isnt it suppose to happen the other way around !

I am suppose to get 7 band each in all the four modules or else i might have to repeat the complete test again. Bored of getting stuck at a band short now and then, i took a break yesterday,read some blogs,freshened myself up. All that in vain. Havent wrapped my brains around it any better than the lost day. I just wish,hope and pray that my grey matter acquires some supernatural powers next saturday to fly me through the test. And then i wonder when did i turn this dumb ! I had always been this girl who had enjoying studying ! I would be sad if any test/exams were postponed (ya very la Miss Granger) but yup that was who i was. Not anymore. Wish my redundant brain does make peace with me and an year of studies in my future kitty.

Any way to regain my lost edge ?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Things never work the way they ought to,esp when you are in a hurry !
Hope i hadnt let my brother down.
Wish only the best for him.

God rest my lazy nervous soul.
With IELTS around the corner i hardly can think of anything else other than blogging ! I dont feel like studying when i should be. Infact i dont feel like doing anything when its the right time for me to ! Lots of unseen movies had been stocking up in my laptop,pleading for their time to come. Sadly havent been reading much,very unlike how i planned this year to be. 'To kill a mocking bird' is awaiting on some 60 odd page for me. Not good. But these days are days of bonding,of thinking about the life i am gonna build....of the life i might be building this very moment. Kinda feels like that all the pieces are just about to fall together ! Kinda like the feeling when two or more boxes are filled in 'sudoku' and you know it in your heart that success is just around the corner. No doubt there is still a lot of stuff to be done,but you just know that the hard part is over :) 'Two Broke Girls' makes me miss my friend. She is gonna have a baby soon. Havent talked to her in over a month. Hope singapore is being good to her. Praying for her and the little new arrival.

Hmm so time for me to be back to my sample papers study and hope i can sail through with 7 band each in all four modules. God bless me and the one waiting for me :)


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