"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I have so much to say and so little to write ! Its baffling :)

Normally one good/bad/sad/unexpected/miraculous thing would happen to me and i would jump on to my blog at the first opportunity and rest my feelings here. But offlate i had been to so many places have such vivid experiences that it sort of has created a traffic-jam of thought train inside my mind.

But so ardent is my will to pen down atleast something today that i had switched off the Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows PartI at HBO which FYI had never ever happened and is unlikely to happen anytime soon. I love JKR. Period. I dont care if people call her a children's writer or whatever. I just love her,lovvvvve her and lovveeeeee her. :) I guess the child in me would never stop loving her ! Read Blogadda's premium bloggers today and i am getting utterly and progressively disappointed with Blogadda. One of the premium bloggers (wont name her here plz) was all gaga about Preeti Shenoy !!! What a let-down. I barely managed to scrap through a single book of hers and vowed never to read another. But as i mentioned previously in my blog here i find the cattle-breed of authors today very ordinary and un-inspiring.

Well everybody has a right to express their opinions and i respect it, but commenting like a pro on the subject that one knows nothing of,is not very attractive to me. Anyways i think i am very biased with 'Book-blogs'. I love the good ones and get extremely angry (with red ears) at the miserable ones. My favourite blogs are the ones that had probably never been listed or been premium blogs at blogadda. My blog-mother is a married malayali woman staying in London. She probably doesnt know it but i read her blogs for some inspiration now and then. I dont comment much or distribute free ka gyaan at her blog-post out of sheer respect. Sounds weird,but i know she as such has a difficult life and i dont want to complicate things for her. Nevertheless i always stay at a distance,read her,say some silent prayer once in a while and hope that she finds happiness soon.

Yup the most difficult thing in life is to be a spectacle and to stand in front and be judged by people. By some sheer tryst with luck or rather by some fierce miracle :) my life has taken a U-turn. I have never been this happier and relaxed. I am traveling,eating, reading,thinking happy thoughts and thanking God for never once diminishing the ray of hope in my heart. Not even for a second i had let myself believe that things would not change for me. Hope in our heart is a very powerful weapon. Like a magnet it attracts and bring to us all things good and kind.

I am reading at break neck speed hahaaa At present i am reading three books concurrently. Some long back started Nora Roberts, a gripping Ken Follet and a more sombre Fountainhead ! That is one very important reason why i dont write book reviews ! Because at any single time i am residing in the world of so may books,its hard for me to sit and dwell and write about a single one :)

And then again my train journey this time was marvellous. Along with the lovely weather,the mountains rushing by and the ever- lukewarm "hot" tea of pantry of Indian Railways i had company of a music band ! On their way from Amritsar to Mumbai was Money-music group to perform in India's Got Talent and man did they have talent !!! Not only did i thank my stars for not cancelling my reservations for that day and felt lucky but their singing did bring a few tears to me. :)

And yeah the ever sucky power cuts in rajasthan had just killed off my mood to write and its me saying ciao and be happy....read happy :)


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Did a strange thing today..while walking from room to kitchen,passing through lobby i stopped to see me in the mirror..ok i looked fine in this pink salwar-kameez(nomatter what anyone says how i look) and along with a pink bindi(i actually looked pretty#selfindulgentme) so i ended up giving me a dazzzling smile. Much like they show in that 'Amway advertisement'.

Its nothing new,but it felt so good believe me that i was surprised that why hadnt i done that before. Not that i was particularly happy or anything,on the contrary i was a little perplexed. Not even downright gloomy,but just not glad. But when we keep the one person who we are supposed to keep happy (ourselves) the results are startling !


Suddenly what someone/anyone thinks of you doesnt matter anymore. Whether you are alone or have a partner to share your life doesnt matter anymore. More often than not when i had found myself left alone and desolate i had imagined myself doing so many things that i had always wanted to do. Il share it here today..i always wish to resume back my Kathak classes; the other thing that i am dying to do is to lay my hands on a violin. Always imagined...always dreamt of doing that ! Once in a while when i hear Daisy in December my madness gets a dose of renewal :D

So just one me and so many things that i wish to do ! But i would. One of these days il do all that...and read and jog the streets and take random snaps and do all of that. One of these days...very soon.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Your heart is where your treasure is

Dressed in beautiful red attire of a bride,hands of henna adorned with traditional bangles,looking as demure as the rain poring in from the sky, she stared into nothingness.

Married for but just 40 days now, she waited for her husband to call her. She hadnt seen him in a month and today he had failed to call for some reason that she didnt know of. Cry..that she cudnt do, so that was what the skies were doing for her. 'Keep heart..he would call for sure' was all she kept on telling herself but the truth being that she hadnt longed for anything much more than that in all her life. 

She would work all day. The music of her anklets resounding in the home,where she was left behind. Left behind to think..left behind to wait. Often her kohl lined eyes would see beyond the walls of this house to the place where 'he' was. 'He' who had married her and vowed to be with her for the rest of their life,but cudnt be found anywhere now. 

With eyes as red as the crimson on her forehead today she prayed for her wait to come to an end. Sleep when came,came with the dreams of a beautiful exotic place. Tall skyscrapers that make people gape at them with wonder . Seas so vast and exquisite that people would be mystified by their beauty. Lovely streets lined with cafes that make mornings fresh with scent of coffee heavy in the air. She would take a deep breath to take in the aroma of the city,she would drink in the beauty of this city with her eyes.

But most of all this would be a city where she would be happiest in the world. The city where 'he' is. For the heart is where your treasure is. And just when she was turning around to gaze into the most beautiful pair of eyes that she had ever seen...she heard someone shouting in distance..."Wake up sister..its your time to visit Melbourne NOW" 

And before she knew, off she was on the plane to be with the love of her life. To the most exotic city of Melbourne. The city which she would adore for all the years to come..


www.visitmelbourne.com/in  This post is written as an official entry to Indivine Blogger Contest titled under "Its your time to visit Melbourne now"

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

There i find my own-self
hidden in dilapidated dark
so retreated from world around
at the exact moment when i am dreaming but am also awake

Beautifully red,prettily pink
coloured bangles and painted nails
but then why the spirit shattered within ?

Curled and groaning with painful loneliness
no not a shelter,it needs freedom
no not a status,it needs love

With a boltning smile of painted lips
dressed in shattered dreams
with hope behind a veil of tears
every heart beats and bleeds for warmth

And you wait, keep waiting for that one thing
which would infinitely enrich your life:
the powerful, uniquely uncommon,
the awakening of dormant stones,
depths that would reveal you to yourself.


Many many many hours of my day i spend looking for something that inspires me. Something that stirs my soul,something that ignites it,flames it up. And then once in a while when i read something like Rilke i find myself in that little happy place in my heart,curled up into a ball and swaying and swinging happily into oblivion. For the past hour after my morning walk,i had read 'Letters to a Young Poet' and am filled with immense praise for this german poet ! Will read whatever i can find of him.

It is such a rarity to find something precious to read,something that i would lock up in the little treasure-box of my heart and cherish for years to come ! Most of the times,even while working in the kitchen or driving, my thoughts would wander to places and desperately search for something that quenches my soul. And when such happens, more often than not il turn to poets like Rumi,Mary lou or Saahir ludhianvi and take a big refreshing swig for my parched up self from their immensely beautiful writings.

Rilke made my day and am off to start this morning with a tiny bit of sunshine that lights me up from the inside and keeps me glowing for many many more moments to come.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Just when we think that life has become an ass cracking rigmarole and threads of deceit and treachery wind too tight for us to untangle life/God/fate call what u may,gives us a chance to set it straight and fair. I lost my handbag at delhi station while coming home this time. I lost just the appropriate amount of valuables to make me sit and think what made that happen. I have been travelling alone since 11 years and had never made a single mistake but why then this time. Had something crept up into me that made me do wrong and hence in this way life had wiped off my slate clean and gave me an opportunity to start afresh and untainted !

By no means i am justifying the actions of one who had done this. "Stealing" is the only kind of sin,this i read somewhere. So did i too steal from someone ! This i wondered. Anything taken that doesnt belong to us is stealing. Also denying someone of their justful right is stealing. Lying to someone is stealth. Because in that way we are stealing away the other person's right to know the truth. Treating people rudely is a kind of stealth,we then steal their right to be treated with respect.

All the journey from delhi to my home i had plenty of time to think about whether i too had stolen from someone and made someone feel like i felt then,cheated and violated ! I had a few important things in the bag but that somehow that didnt bother me much. I have forgotten those 'important' things now. All my phones,my purse with the hand written note "Lord is my shepherd...i shall never be in need"....all that seems to be a thing of the past now. I wish something good comes out from it for someone somewhere in need.

Marriage has made me more grounded. I am taking in the few very rare qualities of my MIL. One month with her has made me quiet,sober,very patient and much stronger in life sustaining faith. I am happy and very lucky to have someone like her in my life,its just the way she goes on about her day that makes me imbibe the goodness ever present around us. To never get upset with people and to be ever kind and pleasant is a great challenge in today's fast and furious life. But there couldnt be a greater accomplishment than that too i am sure. Staying with her also did give me a lot of insight into why's and how's of my hubby's nature :) a healthy perk i must say ! So if you really wanna get to know your hubby better, look closely into your mum-in-laws: my piece of advice :)

Life's treating me good, for the most part of it. No complaints no regrets now. That taught me, just because i started my race late doesnt mean i cant run it and finish it well. Happy and contended to be wherever i am today and thats a big treat for my little heart.


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