The day i was to leave my home for college....i still remember it as explicitly as it was just yesterday ! I was scared shitless and had to fight with all my might to stop me from soiling my pants,i feel the same today.
The only few differences being that i was slightly dorky bespectacled idealistic girl then and today i am non-spectacled,non-dorky and about 7kg heavier version of the teenager-me. What keeps me going is the fact that if i could make it then i would be able to make through this too. Have been telling myself this over and over again for past few days only that i couldnt make my rectal sphincter understand it !
It is that i keep comparing myself mentally to someone plummeting down into a dark plunge. All dark,groundless,disorienting and mortal. It feels as if someone has just pulled off all the ground beneath my feet. Going all topsy-turvy with heart drumming against my chest and my bile in my mouth i wait for the end of it. How hard i would hit....no idea.
I wish its a safe landing but the fact is i have always been a little awkward with changes in my life.I am much like a hen in that sense,when i sit comfortably somewhere i dont like anybody coming and ruffing up with me. Change though uncalled for and uncomfortable is the only way to make us into the wholesome beings that we evolve into. The only positive note to this change being is that this stands to be the only conscious decision in my life that i had taken with a single thought in my mind: 'God i trust you,take me where You want me to be,and i will follow Your footsteps all my life'
I may not understand the situations now,the people now,the events happening around me now but i am sure my God does and He would somehow arrange all these things well to suit me the best. Whatever He brought me through,He brought me closer to Him. Undoubtedly where He is, there shall prevail no fear so the only sure thing that i can do in this day is to place my trust in Him and His everlasting faithfulness.