"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Leaving off

Dreams. Coming in frequent and coming bad...mostly. I happen to dream a lot nowadays. Wonder why ! Might be because i am sleeping a lot (its solar hot here in rajasthan) but i mostly dream of my friends. Dream of seeing some,dream of missing some.

A weight sort of lifted off from me today. It is rightly said taking a decision in your head is the most difficult part. Implementing it is a piece of cake. There are two conflicting views that i wish to write here and also try to grasp it better if anyone of you care to help me out. We all have heard a phrase that when you are about to give up on something remember the reason why you held up to it for so long ! But i never truly get it. What if the semantics of the relationship has changed ! What if now it is not what it had been before.

There is absolutely no use of dragging any relationship that has run its course and is on the verge of death. Well sometimes we girls even have a habit of dragging them beyond the limit. What's the use ! Will; you ever be happy again. Probably Not. Then why should it be so difficult to leave off the things and grasp the new ones.

Untill we empty our hands of stuff we do not want how will we ever have space for stuff that we actually wish for ! It is easy and less painful to just grab and pull off the bandage. Undoubtedly. In my view thinking of my happiness first is not selfishness. I tried to be selfless and giving for years and years before,i didnt get anything in hand out of that. Every place (except my family) where i had toiled to be selfless and giving i had failed miserably.

Though it doesnt feel like some magnificent transformation but believe me it does feel lighter. No grudges,no complaints,no excuses,no returns. What's given is given. If you have lost something it's ok,may be you needed to be parted from it to become this what you are today.


ganeshputtu said...

the reason it is so tough to make "that" decision might be fear? fear that however bad this might be what if the next one is even worse? or what if there is NO second chance at all? these are the thought which freeze the mind before you do decide to cut your loses. its brave to beat your own fear by yourself with no one knowing (or even realizing) what effort it took for you..cheers and stay loose- no extra baggage getme?

palak said...

may be sometimes we stop looking for a life a beyond that one person!!sometimes letting go is even harder then holding on!! bt if one gains da audacity to accept n adapt n let go,dats da best thing!! wonderful work that i m glad to read ! :) btw i miss u !!:) :)

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

Ganesh boss yea i got it :)
well trying my level best to make myself the best confidante that i can ever have. What kills me is my own expectations but as i mentioned once i set my mind to it,i can and will stay without being dependant on anybody.
Palak ya u got me too,we just fixate our life to certain people and that shudnt happen ! And well i will get bck to ur blog soon.


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