"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Summer Diary


There is something so damn courageous about this picture !

The will to live and the resultant fight....the fight emerging as an offshoot of a sown seed,the first step taken....that is very important. Then as we grow up what happens ?

Why do we grow up to be this tight-assed living,brooding,walking masses of shit ! Being away from monotonous rhythms of life i have discovered that it is ok for traffic to be bad and it is inevitable to find some people to be selfish or i would rather say materialistic, as long as our own little sphere of existence is devoid of things that we so much despise in others.

Simple things such as driving patiently behind a man pushing his cart (which obviously is too darn loaded for his poverty laden petite frame) instead of honking horns incessantly gives my heart a warm feeling of being able to empathise with him. For every thing that i find wrong and unjust i find a thing that shows me it is the same good world of our Lord.

Swimming is keeping me sane nowadays. For an odd hour or so i enter a different world. A world of waves and not worries. A world where i in some pragmatic way realize that all that we need to live has already been provided to us. We have clothed ourselves so heavily and unnecessarily with desires that on some level we have utterly forgotten the pure bliss of being naked. That i say metaphorically ofcourse.

Even after working for many years i dont have a substantial bank balance. And what little i have,i am very soon gonna give that away too. I earn,and spend hardly 20% on me and give away the rest. I have seen this curbs my desire to have more. As for tomorrow i dont know,but i believe i will be provided with whatever i need in my life.

Love is a need too,not a luxury. It will come too,when it's destined to. Untill then i am filling up my voids by numerous stuff. Reading is an absolute essential amongst them. My daddyji(nanaji) had a fruitful life owed to his habit of reading. Hope to make mine like his too. Feel sad for folks who havent yet discovered it. Like an old uncle in my neighbourhood. With no wife and no friends of his age and his mind getting blunt with each passing day, i frequently find him loitering around all day. Watering plants,moving things from a pointA to pointB and scratching his leathery behind. Sad. Wish i could tell him to sit and read with all the good time he has.

Happy for days. They are not over the top ecstatic neither are they flogging molly types. They are just calm,brisk and freakishly hot summer days. :) Kinda good. While swimming in the morning today i felt some beautiful words by Sahir Ludhianvi floating with me too,just penning it down here

मुझको कहने दो कि मै आज भी जी सकता हू 
इश्क नाकाम सही, ज़िन्दगी नाकाम नहीं 
उन्हें अपनाने की ख्वाहिश, उन्हें पाने की तलब 
शौके-बेकार सही साईं-ए-गम-अंजाम नहीं 


शौके-बेकार - useless hobby
साईं-ए-गम-अंजाम- painful punishment

3 comments:

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Wonderful words - they most definitely resonate with me.

Jack said...

Mandeep,

The photograph is so motivational. God bless that little one who shows his or her will to fight all odds. A child is sane as needs are limited but as we grow we all become impatient and later when we reach our autumn we again start getting sane. Swimming is the best exercise for body as well as mind too. Reading broadens outlook but a time comes when one may not be able to read as much as one would like to. I used to but now to read newspaper is enough but I do spend time reading what many of you say here as that keeps me in touch with what is going on presently. And I try to share my experiences in my blogspace. While giving away or helping needy one should be cautious of many who are frauds. It is very unfortunate that many NGOs too are not so genuine. I am sure that with your attitude you will have happiness as well as peace of mind always in your life.

Take care

PS : In case you ever do visit Delhi, please do spare time to meet us.

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

thanks jack fr reading and supporting and also sorry fr such an incoherent writing but i am writing aftr a long hiatus,so i guess am a little clumsy :P
but i would like to mention here that sometimes there is this huge urge in me to 'give' as if that is the only way for me to 'earn' some peace ! Dont know why though !!
and oh thank u so much for your blessings of peace :)
keep reading..

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