"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Monday, May 28, 2012

Forever : the greatest Lie

'I would be there for you forever'
'I would never break your trust,i promise'
'I would always be your best friend and be by your side'

Different words,by different people heard so often by so many of us...and then more so often proved out to be wrong. Some of them shattered in the public eye,discarded like house waste,lying in the dump-spot that every neighbourhood posses. Others so,stuffed up in the dark corners of house stores but forgotten nevertheless.

Sad. Until recently i had been a very Bridget jones'y type of person in my life. Always hoping against the rising tide of misery and solitude that things eventually fall back into place and everything is well at the end. But only up until recently.

People have failed me just as much as i have failed my God. Or may be that is the reason why people have failed me. Trust is the costliest commodity for me. Hard to place,harder to sustain. And in this rage that i am walkingcrawling 'Forever' seems to be the greatest lie in the world.

You know how it feels if you have been promised and been denied. It could be a promise of undying love or unwavering commitment or even the promise of never ending friendship. When denied they all pain equally. I once mentioned to a friend that a relationship is as gentle as a baby-sparrow. It feels so fragile on our palm but even so it is a living breathing thing.

Feels now that it's choked very much near to death.

It is important to balance life,there is a fine blend of family,friends,work and leisure in it. I need to be much more careful about the growing need to create that balance. The prerequisite to that is to accept that i need blessings in my life for that. I continue to care for everybody but not to expect anything much from others. Goes like that : You need me...ok il be there for you,but i might not be coming to you for anything now.

Sounds dispassionate. But for now it has to work this way.

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