"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Thoughts of a commode

If anyone had cared enough to ask me how i am feeling right now, my answer would have been-akin to a flushing commode. Actually a 'clogged' flushing commode,or anything if it could be even worse than that. Because though everything is whirling inside me,nothing is going anywhere ! 

I know i havent been writing much but i believe it's just lack of inspiration. I mean what could a person who does nothing more all day than to mercilessly murder away time at home write about ! I dont have much contact with homo sapiens nowadays all i do is to lazy up my bums at home and watch re-runs of 'The Big Bang Theory' which seems to be the only thing that makes me smile. Watching a bunch of geeks fooling around gives me immense pleasure, pleasure as compared to none (sigh...sad).

Now and then i lift up my laptop and plan to write down something but the thoughts are just so diffuse and non-coherent i have no idea how to gel them together ! One moment i would be feeling melancholy and find myself listening to coke studio sufi style and the other moment i would feel so disconnected with everything that i would nastily switch off my phone and thus any possibility of a human contact. Which is the case at the moment too. At other times i feel like a beggar,a poor starved beggar,begging for love and attention at every possible doorstep(sounds pathetic o yea) and then with sudden electric ease i would transfigure to this confident kick-ass me ! 

A tree in my house is bearing these beautiful summer'y yellow flowers ! They are the only sight that my eyes love to watch offlate. I have been meaning to photograph it,but my heart just finds it so difficult to lay its hands on my mind and shake it out of its lull. Some other day maybe. For now i will present to you with some ideas from my seemingly flushing but clogged commode :

1. There is no feeling in this world more sickly than to be demanding love from our very own people. Why should there be a need for us to ask any care/attention from our own friends !!! They are our friends right ! They know it well that we need their hand,we need their heart,we need 'them' ! Do i need to be begging for it ? Is there any need for me to assure and reassure them constantly of their worth ? Similarly i have discovered that our parents need the same ! Our siblings too ! And i plan to make these things right. As much as i can manage to.

2. I am not being grateful enough ! There it is i have said it ! Yes i am not. And so i confess it now and plan diligently to be grateful in each and every thing. I am grateful to my dad that he specially went to market and bought fruits for me. I didnt say this to him half hour back but i guess i should have. Grateful to my mom she makes everything so comfortable for me here. My sister for giving me undeserved respect,my brother for keeping me in his mind always,my patients for giving me an opportunity to treat them. And then most of all to the Lord because He has already given to me all that i need.

3. What would you be rather be : Really happy or 'pretend' to be happy ! I have seen people putting up this facade that they are happy when actually they are not. I want to be 'happy' i mean i actually want to be 'joyful' i dont need to show it to people. I dont want to affirm this fact with them.

4. I wish i had a pet. Mum wouldnt allow me probably but nevertheless some day i am so gonna ask her for it. :)

5.I want everybody to be happy,even the people who dont love me or care two hoots about me. Even those who dont have time for me and even when i dont hold any place of importance in their lives i wish that all their dreams come true.


renu_milestogo said...

Hey Mandy Gone through ur post...i would not pass any judgement for it, whether it is good or bad. as its ur thought which whirling in ur mind but want to say one thing that the solution of ur problem is lies within the last point u described..."U can't make everybody happy n who don't deserve u n ur prayer..plzzzzzz don't make wish to made them happy. Apne andar ki khushi dhoondh...tu jisme khush rahe wo kaam kar. hum bhagwan nahi hai aur na hi koi farishta..jo sab ko khush rakh sake ya dekh sake...isliye wo wish kar jo tujhe really chahiye..."sachhi khushi"

renu_milestogo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Atrocious Scribblings said...

The writing lethargy happens in phases to me as well, so rest assure that it will pass away soon.

The very fact that you are able to recognize the impact of your near and dear one's in your life shows gratefulness and hence is an indication that happiness is not far behind.

Good one yet again Doc.

Cheers :)

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

Renu di i know ap muje kya bolna chah rhi hu. But all those whom i had loved or still love,i cant forget them. I am usually a very selfish person but still at this point of life i want everybody to be happy,i pray that they are happy and i hand over myself into the hands of my God,whatever He does wud be the BEST for me di :)

AS thank u so much ! u never fail to encourage me :)

The Unknowngnome said...

I enjoy the reruns of TBBT too.

I'm a happy geek so I sing to you: Don't worry, be happy

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

have always loved bob marley ! thanks fr the song :)


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