"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, April 6, 2012

Guilty

I am a bad person,i have so many times failed to keep my promises that i can no longer keep count of it. Promises to the people i dont mind,but i have failed considerably to keep my promises even with my God. Have failed Him in all and every context of the word. Have been dishonest,have lied and have brought Him nothing but utter shame and disgrace. All i rely upon is the fact that God is a faithful God, that He is a merciful God and like He receives the prodigal son He would be kind enough to receive me too.



12 comments:

The Unknowngnome said...

We all fall short....

Aysh said...

Nobody's perfect! Like you said God is all merciful, if you're sincerely sorry then he'll know what's in your heart ;)

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

thanks Aysh,writing what i felt here,sort of felt like a confession. Feeling a little lighter now :)

Grace said...

Certainly not !
You are NOT a bad person.
Infact, the very fact that you inspect yourself and denounce your own self shows how open you are! You might feel that you are impulsive and might need to tone down your responses sometimes - but still sometimes our own responses do save us from future despair!Youth is exuberant and may the exuberance ever remain in you!
I have felt that way about myself too. And i too have reminded myself that "God is kind" ( something i have thankfully grown up hearing dad say to everyone )
Yes it HAS to be a very kind God there. How can God not be everything good?
Yet, life is inexplicable and we all are hoping that it will all make perfect sense in the end at least!!
Lets just do all the good we can the best we can at all times! Lets keep the faith.
I know , i too find myself asking myself as to why God puts us into a mess at all. But then i think maybe we ourselves have an appetite for it and don't want it any other way as much as we should. We get carried away and deplete ourselves of all strength to resist the wrong urge. We lose sight of all our purposes and become willing to even break away from our own principles - when if only we had persisted longer the mellow fruit of our labors would have been ours for the taking.We forget God and enjoy our own sense of being, as larger and separate from everyone and everything else. We are not steadfast and whenever we break loose, the tenacious thread still tugs at us reminding us of who we are. We are all good - only if we all didn't want to go on our different trips to create a ruckus and then to decry it! I might not be making myself clear. am talking about an underlying unity.

Grace said...

You go too fast for me... most times i get very pensive and i try to take care to comment.Since normally i am very inactive and never comment, it takes up lot of my time and energy :)
Take care, luck and love to you.

Grace said...

"i am not simple.not modest and definitely not down to earth but i take a lot of pride in what i am,because dats exactly how God intended me to be"

So thats how at least YOU should stay!

Good that u r not feeling like u r bad and all that non-sense , as it sounds to us anymore

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

Thanks di,wonderful to see u here aftr such a long time ! I kno maasi had been there and was wondering when i cud talk to u again and we cud share views here and on fb,like we had been doing fr some time nw. Well nowadays i am reading more and writing less. But sometimes faithfulness of God makes me feel very small of myself. I havn't done anything all my life that my God would be proud of me. And feel so disappointed in myself. If not for His grace i wudn't have been even this happy! But thanks fr putting down such wonderful thoughts,wud keep them in mind always

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

"We forget God and enjoy our own sense of being, as larger and separate from everyone and everything else"
~loved dese lines :) mighty true !

palak said...

no words fr dis..i can't express in words hw lovely genuine n pure u write !

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

Thanks Palak...will try my best to remain that way.

Grace said...

Been wondering lately what exactly is going on ...but then keeping up with you from post to post and concluding that you are writing very well about your passing thoughts and in writing about them and in dwelling upon them they are probably seeming to be bigger than they really are!

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

di i never write with intention of dissecting my thoughts. I just write so i could put all good and bad within me out there,and live at peace with myself. And i think that usually we never give our thoughts the required attention anyway..which we should!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...