"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Monday, March 5, 2012

Tell me.. what you want

Well i have always made it a point to write in my blog only what i feel,i know i can't force myself into writing..even if i wanted too ! But that's just sad,because i kind of made a new year resolution to write atleast once in two days. Coming to the point this post is not so much as a an assertive writing as an attempt to understand something...an attempt to understand the articulative abilities of our counter sex.

It has bewildered me how soon men develop and lose interest in things, say for example a relationship. Why is a man's response or reaction that is muted down considered normal ? Why when a man does not talk clearly and accurately about what he wants from a relationship doesnt even raise an eyebrow ! Why are there excuses like 'He just doesnt know how to express himself' or 'this is his way of showing that he cares/loves' or 'this is how he reacts when he's sorry for something'. Well why should we accept all these cryptic gestures and read more to his actions than what he actually means ! If he really means it he can very well say it,right?

For the starters a man is always very articulative ! Atleast that he was in the starting of a relationship ! Because no girl would ever fall for a snob who keeps his feelings under wraps and fails to express himself. Every girl fondly remembers the times when the same man/bf/husband was quite romantic and open about his feelings ! So what happened now ? Frankly,i am very tired of just 'assuming' that may be when he does this or says that it means he still cares for me or loves me or thinks about me ! Well...h..e..l..l..o if you do then you could just say it mister ! I mean what's the harm in doing that.

Take it or leave it,but it's all a girl's fault. I think we are to be blamed for just going with the most convenient option. Instead of choosing the alternative of confronting him and asking him to be more expressive about what he feels/wants,we just keep mum and try to see him as we want to ! We enter into a mind-space where we have made an opinion and image of him and he is already 'that' for us,no matter what he does or says. In effect 'we' turn him into something that we 'want' him to be as opposed to seeing him for what he actually is !

Another reason for doing this could be that girls by nature have a motherly instinct. By default,there exists a pattern in us that overlooks all the wrong things and excuses them over and over again. And sometimes...it all gets carried away too far aided by these huge pile of excuses that he isnt even making ! Work made much more easier for him,as it is us who is doing even that part for him.Frankly i find that pathetic too. But then that's how we are.

Needless to say when a relation ends we are the ones doing all the mourning and crying our guts out,feeling guilty as hell. Heart broken and nauseated,lolling in self-misery indulging in all that self cursing jargon and mentally kicking ourselves for putting upto this nonsense for so long ! But no matter all the butt kicking,that's who we are ! We would always be a tad bit more kind and forgiving and we may tend to overlook all the signs of emotional injustice inflicted upon us by our partner while we are in a relationship. At times it is just better to stand up and take a stand for ourselves and to tell us that we do deserve to be shown a lot more love and respect for all this perseverance..for so long.

P.s Female readers please leave a comment regarding how much of this you had experienced yourself and male readers please do try and explain what the hell is wrong with you guys !!! :)


palak said...

this is 100percent true...i wonder wen will men actually start loving,giving efforts in a relationship like women do...things wud have been so easy if guys start understanding dat a girl's happiness is in his time..in da ways he can let her know how much he loves her..da small expressions r enough 2 lead a love life..bt making dem understand ds is so tough !gosh!:/

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

yes palak exactly that's what i wanted to say ! Our happiness is in the time that they give us. Nothing more...nothing less.

palak said...

da day dey realize..heaven wil be on earth :)

Razi said...

Interesting post. You have asked so many questions. Heard of the book 'Men are from Mars and Women from Venus' ? You know, all those drawbacks of men , they are a part of being men. However much a guy loves his girl, he won't change his basic instincts and nature, He can't. Just as a woman cannot stop being loving, caring and forgiving because its a part of her. And men do have a few pros too. That bit of not talking out things, that's the way his brain has been wired. Accept it. It's not going to change. Men will be men.

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

yeah i have some issues with John Gray regarding that,but what i wrote down was with lot of introspection,and hope that occasionally you guys wouldn't mind clearing the air.


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