"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Saturday, March 31, 2012

वो रात बुझा दो..मेरा वो सामान लौटा दो

Ever looked back and wondered what happened ! It's true life is a sum up of all the events,mishap and happy events. As much as are the joyous moments and the accomplishments part of our lives,so are the places where we failed,where we didn't score and where we terribly fell flat on our faces. Yes they do shape us,they have formed us as we are today. Without an ounce of doubt i believe that i wouldn't have been the same person that i am today if not for every single moment that shaped me up so.

But nevertheless that is life wasted,spent for nothing and for no-one. If that happens on accord of something that wasn't in our hands like losing a loved one it's ok we learn to deal with it,sooner or later. But if that happens when it could have been well avoided ! It gnaws at us,every now and then. We keep thinking what if i hadn't done this,what if i had chosen a different path back then. Would my life had been any better or merrier now ! And there's no end to this wonderment. We do make out of the maze,everybody does eventually. But what's left behind is the pain and a basket-full of shell of promises that once seemed so true you could bet your life over them. A big pile of memories,part of your life that once you were so sure of,just like we never doubt the coming of tomorrow morning,the very same life feels so far-off and ghostly today. It's even hard to fathom that you had once lived that life,that those moments were once alive and breathing.

We always stand back,find our step and cut out a path for us. But who is gonna give me back those years,that time,m..y...life ! Anger wanes off soon,and slowly and gradually you bid adieu to even the grief and then with lots of hard shoving you close the door behind the remorse. But then what remains are the tiny shards of questions to be dealt with. They just hang there..in the air,forever.Who will give me back my time ! I don't expect anything else,no reasons,no apologies,no remedies even...just a silent plea on my lips to return me back everything that once was mine...and that i had trusted to be taken care. And that wasn't.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Black Hole

Haven't written anything in a long while,not that i dont have time ! Have so much of time at hand,never had this much before :) but just that i dont have anything to write on ! Finally i am a guy ! I am thinking about absolutely nothing :) and though i find it guilty because i am not reading or writing or doing anything worthwhile,i kind of am enjoying this state of being nowhere and doing nothing. Life is easy,work is light,and heart is at rest...for now. I seem to write only when i am in some kind of turmoil and dont find a suitable channel to diverge it.

i am happy just watching movies,day in and day out. Well just watched Capote couple of days back. It was like watching a series of beautiful photographs. Brilliant camera work or art photography they call it i guess,but nothing amazed me more than the interplay of light and the dark ! So much so that sometimes appreciating the canvas in front of me,i almost missed on the dialogues ! Love Philip Seymour Hoffman for how his voice modulation for the film. He has such a manly voice ! A voice that i could die for,to romance :) and was surprised to find him all squeaky for Capote !

sorry,not a good one here;but the work in movie was brilliant

Well that done i am captivated by lights nowadays. I appreciate pictures that play with light,more so that tease with light ! Like this one :

Or sometimes i would like totally abstract work by some genius,which is a little not too conservative but yes is tastefully done,like this :

I dont know i like so many different kind of things nowadays. Things that i loved to do just a fortnight ago had lost my attention and i tend to skip on to newer stuff faster than a mouse on fire. Well for now it's just that eating,sleeping,light working and watching movies. Being a complete sloth and just wishfully hoping my mum wouldn't notice that i am busy doing nothing :) for now.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Humming-bird flies in the desert rain

A humming-bird flies in the desert rain
through both a place happy and sad.
flapping tiny wings,wings of hope,
flapping and flapping them hard.

Tiny in size,but not at heart
it slowly keeps making its way through.
Flap and puff...flap and puff.
Flown ever in desert rain...have you ?

That tiny contractured heart of it's
says sing a song o'my bee.
But huff and puff she says
o'me too tired,i can't be.

Vast spaces of desert land,that is all
that she could see.
No place to hide,no place to rest
no place to even plead to Thee.

Barren like an old womb,
has this desert been
for ages and ages...so sad.

But along came the storm mighty and hefty
she hardly could see the reason to be glad !

A humming-bird,if you have seen
is small and tiny
you could grab it in your fist
at once.

But wings of hope
do the wonders
and take it to places
not yet known

the tiny bird,held up it's face
and i do not know what she had in mind.
But huff-a-puff and huff-a-puff
just a little more now~something of this kind.

O' yes i am happy,happy for the desert,
for it's prayers has been answered today.
But the darling humming-bird kept me worried,
as she flew steadily and far-away.

*** Desert would be the most horrible place in the world for a humming-bird to be,who survives and feeds on the nectar of flowers. When i wrote this,all i could think about was someone trapped in a world where they do not belong. Secondly the courage of one of the tiniest birds in the world,to fly through one of the toughest habitats...a desert,that's what i wanted to write ( my usual upbeat optimism ) . Rain is a blessing for the desert but i am guessing it would have made it even harder for the humming-bird,what with the winds and sand. But i just wanted to write that there is always a possibility if we have wings of hope.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Beware of Friends !

After a long time i am angry. I am angry at myself so much that i am sitting at 3:30 in the morning and writing this post. I have been this angry at myself after a long time and probably crying while writing for the first time. All my determination to think happy thoughts,brave thoughts,positive thoughts have gone down the drain. What the hell we go swearing by love,friendship etc etc ask me they are all bullshit. They are all crap and no one mark my words "no-one" in this world deserves to be loved unconditionally. They suck your life from you and leave you lonely. Damn them friends. When you need them they are nowhere to be found. Instead of writing some scalding words here i would just give a very important piece of advice,be selfish and be away from those "friends".

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

That's me...

There's this awkward feeling,when you maintain calm amidst a storm. And i love that feeling,for a moment or two  only may be but it makes me feel so confident and positive about me and everything else. I know very shortly there would be some hard core thinking to do and some very important decisions to make,but it's weird i am feeling relaxed ! See we are bothered when we are sad,and we are bothered even if we are not bothered about anything anymore ! Pffew...what the hell are we ! :)

So because this is a random post i will just write randomly. Take things one at a time. Be kind to yourselves..you owe atleast that much to you. It is your responsibility to keep yourselves happy,if you cannot,nobody can. Treat yourselves to some good music,good food (try cooking it yourselves),good ride and some good exercise. Treat your body with love and respect. You are bound to feel good.

I have been reading and watching some blogs,considerably young people and explosively talented,i must say ! I feel dwarfed in the world of blogger. There are so many awesome bloggers. Some write beautifully and they like write about everything that happens to them. Makes me feel,i too am having all those experiences with them. Was particularly offset one day and stumbled upon a blog with beautiful pictures....pictures of mountains....mountains like i have never seen before. Siddharth was his name i guess. Just the simple act of seeing his blog was a blessing to me. It took me to altogether different place. Place where i had always wanted to go.

I love the honesty in people's blog. I don't want to read any fancy blogs with hundreds of followers and no soul in writing ! When i write,i pour my heart out,not thinking of anything else. Fancy and pretty photoblogs i had seen many,those pictures seemed to be taken with the purpose of posting them on the blog. And when you do something for a selfish purpose,nature misses out on you. Every artist,whether writer or photographer has to be honest with his work,only then a part of our soul gets attached to the art.

Someone from australia had brilliant pictures on his blog,mighty honest too ! Made me want to own a DSLR of my own. Seek for the beauty around you and it will then flow into you. So a good camera is definitely on my wish list. Want to go travel and visit places. Not for the purpose that it sounds cool,just want to experience something different and this time i am going with my cam.

the movie precious

Once in a while watch some good movie. I watched "Precious" this afternoon,not as good as my last watch "The Artist" but makes me realize how important it is to have the will to keep my head above water all the time. Be happy and thankful for what you have. And better things are sure to follow. And one more thing that the movie made me think a lot about is our need to be loved by someone ! Every girl, accept it or not, has a dream to be loved by someone like a princess. Every girl has dreamt of being a movie star,a pop singer or a fairy tale cinderella at some or other time in her life. Don't deny anyone this right..the right to be loved. The physical form is such a shallow parameter of defining who is beautiful and who is not. Be kind,be loving.

kal ke andhero se nikal ke
dekha hai aanke malte malte
phool hi phool zindagi bahar hai
tae kr liyaa aa aa aaaa
Aj fir jeene ki tamanna hai
aj fir marne ka irada hai

On my way back from gym the song inadvertently brought to the surface something that could not be explained in mere words. A caged soul can still think of flying...and who knows when the wish turns to will and the will to reality !

जुर्रते-इंसान पे तो तादीब के पहरे रहे 
फितरते-इंसान को कब ज़ंजीर पहनाई गयी !

(जुर्रते-इंसान : man's will to carry out actions
तादीब : discipline,law
फितरते-इंसान : man's nature,thoughts)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Hang in there.

 “Hang in there. It is astonishing how short a time it can take for very wonderful things to happen.”

― Frances Hodgson Burnett

The only thing that's important to remember and to be repeatedly told to ourselves. Keep saying it to yourselves over and over again. Don't let the burdens of life dampen your spirit. You are a fighter..yes you are. Tomorrow when all these times had become a matter of past,it would be nice to look yourself in the eye and know that you had been brave,that you had come out of all of it,with dignity and honor. Be worthy of something,make your time count. We have all heard of "make hay,while the sun shines" or "when life hands you lemon,make some lemonade".....this is your time to prove exactly that. Hold your head high up,meet adversity squarely in the eye and say that i am more determined than you are. I have survived so far,and will survive now too. By God's grace good times would return back soon. By that time,make sure you have a truckload of hay ready :)

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Surreal Sahir Ludhianvi s'aab

It's 2:30 in the morning and with a cup of coffee in my hand i am reading beautiful nazms by Sahir Ludhianvi. We know him as a great lyricist but he was oh-so-awesome poet i knew not of. Usually i just keep my original writings on my blog but making an exception today,just to share the depth and beauty of his writing.


tere hoNThoN pe tabassum ki vo halki si lakeer
mere taKh’eel meiN rah rah ke jhalak uThti hai
yuuN achaanak tire aariz ka Khayaal aataa hai
jaise zulmat meiN koi shama’ bhaRak uThti hai

tere pairaahan-e-rangeeN ki junuuNKhez mahak
Khwaab ban ban ke mire zehan meiN lahraati hai
raat ki sard Khamoshi meiN har ik jhoNke se
tere anfaas, tire jism ki aaNch aatii hai

maiN sulagate hue raazoN ko ayaaN to kar douN
lekin in raazoN kii tash_heer se jee Dartaa hai
raat ke Khwaab ujaale meiN bayaaN to kar douN
in haseeN KhwaaboN ki taa’beer se jee Dartaa hai

tere saaNsoN ki thakan, teri nigaahoN ka sukuut
dar-haqeeqat koi rangeen sharaarat hi na ho
maiN jise pyaar ka andaaz samajh baiThaa houN
vo tabassum vo takallum teri aadat hi na ho

sochtaa houN ki tujhe milke maiN jis soch meiN houN
pahle us soch ka maqsoom samajh louN to kahouN
maiN tire shahr meiN anjaan houN pardesi houN
tere altaaf ka mafhoom samjah louN to kahouN

kahiiN aisa na ho ki paaNv mire thraa jaayeiN
aur tiri marmari baahoN ka sahaaraa na mile
ashk bahte raheiN Khaamosh siyah raatoN meiN
aur tire reshmi aaNchal ka kinaaraa na mile


hiraas = Fear
tabassum = smile
taKh’eel = imagination
aariz = cheeks
zulmat = darkness
pairahan-e-rangeeN = colorful dress
junuuNKhez = something that makes you crazy
zehn = mind
anfaas = breath(plural)
raazoN = secrets
ayaaN = showing
tash_heer = advertisement
taa’beer = result, fruit of these dreams
sukuut = silence
dar-haqeeqat = in reality
takallum = conversation (the way of talking)
maqsoom = result (future)
altaaf = (kripa) grace, help, assistance…
mafhoom = meaning
marmari = soft, velvety
siyah = dark

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The same way that i live.

For quite some time now,i had been living my life mindlessly. I just get up,do my job,finish my day,have my dinner,and got to bed. No goals,no aims,no expectations,no nothing. And frankly i am tired and sickened by all this. It's a fight almost daily, a fight to keep down the negative thoughts and to keep myself afloat even in all this muck. It takes a huge amount of effort to keep me just 'alive' from one day to another.

I remember the day when a professor was taking the class on "Ventilators and artificial respiration" back in college. She said "ventilators breathe for those who cannot breathe for themselves". And i thought to myself yeah that does some hell of a job ! I smirked. How i wish i had a ventilator right now. Because i sure am in no mood to even breathe. That does sound miserable, i know. But for once i want to beat down my never-dying-optimism and want to accept that i am sad when i am sad. If that makes me sound less impressive to people ! So it be then,i am a human too. I have all the right and privilege in this world to feel sad or miserable and to cry out loud when i want to.

One of my facebook friends posted a status about ants always stopping by to talk to each other even when they are busy. It's the only thing that i read today in all day. The ants actually are talking they are communicating through chemical signals,telling each other about food or danger or some other stuff relevant in antsville i guess. They are much more lucky than i am,i bet. Atleast someone talks to them. So much for friends. While on the topic of friends,i don't talk to many people.As it is i have a very few friends. Actually just a couple,with them i really talk my heart out. One of them is pregnant,and i don't want her child to grow up listening to my woes in her womb,so stopped minding her with my never-ending-misery. Good thing that she rarely reads my blog. Another friend of mine is too busy with his business and some other stuff that i am not sure about. He finds me too repetitive and to quote him "my thoughts have completely broken down and are dilapidated".

So that's it. What would you do if you are judged by your friends? I know i am not perfect,but i sure was at your side when you needed me,so am i asking too much for you to be there for me !  Divide your worries and they lessen,but whom to divide with ? What would you do if you have nowhere else to go,and even your friends think you are too much of a burden for them to mind and to handle ! I just write,and i write mindlessly...the same way that i live.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Vulnerable...are you ?

Come on yarr..you know you are so vulnerable sometimes : a friend of mine told this to me today and i had been thinking about it ever since. So is that,supposed to be like a major flaw in me ? Is there something really really wrong in being vulnerable. I googled it and wikipedia defines being vulnerable as 'open to system flaws' ! Whatever does that mean ? really ? May be it means by being vulnerable you are more subjected to emotional blows by 'attacker' (quoting Wikipedia). I find all of that stupid.

What it means in effect is that being vulnerable makes you more sensitive about people. And -that- sadly is considered a negative trait of character...a flaw ! So how then am i suppose to make any new relationships if i am not vulnerable! How am i suppose to open upto someone,understand him/her,feel what they are facing and connect with them ! If you are not vulnerable you fail to do this all...and much much more. being vulnerable doesn't at all means being needy. I am vulnerable. I don't go around begging for people's attention,time or affection. But neither am i immune to affection of a friend. I receive and reciprocate.

Vulnerability can be attractive too. Consider a scenario,why are we attracted to certain faces and not so much to others ! On one hand a face might be beautiful...lovely...flawless in all respects but you fail to connect and sometimes simplest of a face can capture you in a split second and could throw you completely off-guard. If you are fond of photography you might be able to appreciate what i am talking about. An artist likewise if not vulnerable fails to perform and bring through what he/she is playing. You need to pass that through your heart's flesh to make it look believable on your face.

Vulnerability is a rare virtue. It makes you authentic,makes you attractive. It, like innocence has to be kept untouched,unblemished within ourselves. If you have it,protect it,for this is something that makes you special..different from others. Remember what George Valentin says to Peppy Miller 'You have to be different from them'. And yes different we are. Ofcourse we are handed more than our fair share of heartaches that way,but this ladies is just a small prize to pay for a full and enriched life.

The Artist

Must watch scene :)
P.s If you hadn't yet, just watch the movie for this amazing dressing room scene :) 

Where the hell are we headed !

I Don't think so i have come across any picture as disturbing as this in the recent past. What does this one says ? What emotions does this picture evoke in you ? Anger ? Disgust ? Sadness ? Grief ?
Not any of these in me. To be honest as soon as i set my eyes on it,a silent prayer escaped my lips for the girl/victim here. And the very next emotion was 'pity'.

I pity not the victim but the culprits. I feel sorry for the level those people had descended to,to have performed this heinous act. I feel sorry for their tormented and demonised souls,cause they untouched by the love of both the God and humans would suffer many folds of what they made this poor girl go through.

And almost immediately i felt pity fir the person who had designed this picture. His intentions no doubt were well placed but he paved the wrong path there. The way he has called upon all the "Indians" and asked us to stop supporting (whatever he means by that) the group of people responsible for it,it doesn't call for the support,but instead churns hatred and in turn evokes distrust,animosity and disgust.

How easy it is to alienate people in times today. Our country,our people-take care of them,let others go to hell. Within this country we divide on the lines of religion,i am hindu so i will help out only hindus,muslims are supposed to be hated and shoved down to the gutters. Then comes caste,i am a yadav,so i will help only a yadav and do some great favor for my community. Next comes state,i am a marathi,so i will not give a job and hence a chance to just livelihood to a bihari. Where is the end to this nonsense ! I have got fucking tired of all this.

As an Indian i am supposed to take great pride in my country,when i talk about it there should be a sense of belonging in my heart ! But then i look towards Egypt,i see Tahrir Square happening there and i find injustice happening towards the female sex everywhere...irrespective of the boundaries of nations,religions or caste ! And suddenly i feel more connected to those people than i ever feel for the corrupt and greedy "fellow-countrymen" who are busy amassing wealth and power all laden with nepotism and red-tapism ! How the hell can i feel connected to them !

A certain honest hard working IPS is brutally murdered on duty,by and on the orders of the people who belong to the same country that he died serving. Yes i am proud of him,the fallen hero of India-Narendra Kumar. But a fortnight later still no action has been taken against perpetrators of the crime and seriously doubt that there would be one. Can i direct my hatred to some 'just' channel here ! Who the hell gave us the right to hate people from some other country then. Look into yourself mister,you are fill of the same filth that you fling at others.

Then again who's to be blamed ! It's the way we have been brought-up. Little boys even in such innocuous events as a cricket match are made to hate pakistanis. They mindlessly hurl curses and abuses and instead of rebuking this act,we ignore and in some shameless cases even encourage it. That's where we are heading. War,war and more wars. "Wars are hell" you have got to sit up and take notice of this when these are the words of a soldier. Gen William Sherman who fought the american civil war quoted this and it is the cardinal fact. All wars are hell,all wars take away the loved ones on the both side of the control lines. For every mother who wails in India at the loss of her son and the life support there is also some pakistani mother who is going through the same ! Is her grief any lesser than the turmoil of "our martyr's mother" ! No..it isn't. How much more time we need to realize this !

My sister's husband who is serving in the Indian Army once narrated a very important and amusing incident about the kind of relationship between the soldiers on the either side of control line during his posting on pakistan border in kashmir. Soldiers from both the sides talk to each other,they share jokes,laugh. Indian soldiers would some times involve in such playful banters like 'hey,if your chickens cross the control lines,we would have them for dinner,rite?' Likewise when the pakistani post would get orders from high-up to start shooting they would inform the indians to go inside the bunkers,prior to start shooting. That is the life,that is the true world. Not the world where we are writhing in hatred and anger.

"Hate the sin,not the sinner" e..v...e...rybody has heard these words by St Augustine. But have we ever paid attention to them ? My advice-it is the time to do it. I hate the corruption and red-tapism in my country but i can appreciate and support some just cause in an another country. Is that wrong ? Global citizenship is taking shape and the concept is fast becoming reality in front of our own eyes. My appeal- Please please stop hating the people by the divides of country,religion,cast or even families. All humans where made in the likeness of God. He didn't mark the borders of the countries. He doesn't makes,cares and brings into this world a hindu child any different from a muslim or a christian. In effect we are all small souls,all part of that same bigger soul.

I would just end this post with the three most effective and powerful words God has gifted us to live by. Think about them.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What was i even thinking !

Alyssa Monks Painting,one of my favourite,i call it resurrection

I am not going to write anything new today. I am just going to put some questions and would expect to receive some answers..hopefully. Ever heard the phrase "The first love is the true love,the next ones are just it's replicas".

I strongly disagree with it. Standing at some considerable distance from my teenage now and also a safe distance from my first ever romantic escapades i can now read into them a little more clearly. What's evoked the thought are a couple of blogs written by my friends a lot younger than me. I can relate totally to their feelings,oh yes i put myself mentally into 'that timeline' and then when i read them,they are very relevant. But just all in that timeline,that's it.

So what happens now ! Well i grew up. The paper is at a safe distance from me to focus my sight properly and read perfectly. We are invariably always in a hurry back then. No not stupid but we are passionately curious ! That's it. We had heard of love and relationships,we had been brought up on the regular dose of bollywood romantic flicks and had been humming and daydreaming over the love songs for too long. So we just want to try it on,and feel what it is like.

So we enter it naive,we have no idea what to expect out of it,and just when we were patting our backs for finding that "someone made for us",trouble enters stealthily, and there is all not well in the dreamsville. He gets bored,we are still so much into it,he sulks,we object,he feels trapped,we want to talk and solve it out (always),he is dangerously suffocated now (oh boy),we sulk,we cry,we blabber,we dig the story ferociously and a few corpses as well,then soften a bit (desperate attempt to resuscitate what's left in it),we talk and talk,more sobs,cry,rant and rave,name-calling follows,he stops talking.Period.

And then we become wise,like once bitten-twice shy ! We are enlightened now. We know now what we want,but more importantly we do know what we don't want. Akin to bying jeans! The first time around,you are too cuckoo-headed to realize what you want. And then years of practice and embarassing camel-toe and peeking grand-canyons later we are wise enough to know 'our-kind-of-jeans'. No more are we blinded by shines of the fancy and pricey labels,we aren''t drawn nuts by myriads of style and makes and fabrics and stitchings and etc etc etc. We just stroll about casually,lay one eye on it,and voila 'we know'. We just know it is right for us.

Sorry for the lame comparison (might be offensive for some) but that's just to drive my point home. So isn't it right that every other time we had just grown wiser knowing what exactly would suit us and work right for us !      
For a long time now,i had been ridiculing myself for the choices i had made earlier in my life. As a result of which i had found it better to just swallow my voice and thoughts in the vital matters concerning my life and to let my parents and/or destiny chalk it out for me. But then why shouldn't i !

Well i had always believed in 'someone-somewhere-made-for-you' no amount of denying would help me out there. I guess a little girl in me would always believe in it,no matter how much i ask her,or cajole her,or force her not to. But the perspective has changed. I longer have that fairy land sewed to it. It's just a clear realisation, if i must put it that way ! It's just this fact that stands tall,with each passing day. The foundation stone etched with the words that "Everytime it didn't turn out well with someone else,remember it's taking you one step closer to the right one"

Monday, March 12, 2012

I Watch Over You

God has an amazing sense of humor and oodles of style. He talks in surprising languages and by even more surprising mediums. I might have lost my job today but what i feel in me is not the sense of loss,or the fear of being unemployed but a tickling sensation deep inside me....which i know begins when i know He must be at the brink of performing one of His unusual tricks.

We all have been on His roller coaster ride at one or the other point in our lives. There definitely is that lurch that sends your stomach nauseating but the sooner we learn about His not letting us fall and hurt ourselves,it is better. I have tried talking out my problems with Him,but He isn't replying clearly nowadays. May be He wants me to have a blind faith on Him,or whatever but i would definitely like my questions answered once in a while. Some time back i read a story about a son dangling on a tree branch,shouting out for his dad to help. He thought his dad would come,climb up the tree,figure out a plan and save him from falling. His dad did come but instead he just stood right below him,and shouted "jump".

"What ! my dad must have gone mad" thought the boy. And so he didn't. His dad kept on shouting back "Jump son,i have got you". Still the boy didn't. Eventually the branch broke off,the boy said his last prayers,fell down,waiting for the pain to hit,but the very next moment found himself safely in his dad's arms. That day he learnt never to doubt his father the next time he finds himself dangling and fearing for his life.Why do we let our minds and hearts be troubled when someone's got our back. May be we are so concentrated on our problems so many times,that we forget to hear the solution that He has planned out for us. Nevertheless i have always found myself going from a good to a better place,if i trust Him to lead the way.

"Ask and you shall receive,search and you shall find.Knock and the door shall be opened unto you". -Matthew 7:7
That is an amazing promise. Read it carefully and one would discover that it is upto us to receive and to find. All we have to do is to ask and to seek. 

Courage matters

I have always been put off by cowards. It's really hard for me to appreciate,like or love someone who doesn't even have courage to stand up for himself. Braveheart-what's stopping us from being one ! And then again courage is a lot more than being brave. It is very important to understand the difference. Bravery for me has been associated with knights,generals and soldiers; it holds an element of pomp and show, whereas courage is defined by a lot more than that.

Courage shows in the little things in life. Being ready to help someone when others think it's a bad idea. I remember stopping my car at a roadside and helping up a guy in a bike accident a year back,when none of the pompous carwallas bothered to do that. I was alone,may be it could have been a bad idea,but who cares,certainly not me. What others think as a bad idea i think is just an excuse for their sorry souls. Very often on my way to work i do offer lifts to anyone in dire need or emergency. I don't do that blindly but nevertheless i do it. Courage is not mere acting upon when one notices something wrong happening,but also the will to do the right,even when there isn't any obligation for it.

Courage is also in standing up for what one thinks is right,or should be upholded. If i find a certain idea or methodology that doesn't suit my sense and understanding i would put forward my view openly. Doesn't matter if my parents or family don't think likewise. I agree they have loads of experience to back them,they might also turn out to be right eventually,but i find it hard to just sit and swallow anything and everything being shoved down my mouth. So i speak. There isn't anything against speaking out,unless we do that in a way that is always respectful and receptive.

Just want to mention here a couple of headlines:

" I gave a diamond to MP Govt,they gave me a dustbin of ashes" Words of a proud but grieving father of the Braveheart IPS officer Narendra Kumar. Behold the parents who had borne such a son. Slain by mining mafia he is survived by his pregnant IAS officer wife. I am sure he has made his family proud. Their could be no greater honor for a father to be remembered as a braveheart by his son.

Keenan Santos, 24, and Reuben Fernandez, 29, will not just be remembered for how they died but also how they lived.
The duo from Amboli, Mumbai, was murdered by a gang of four, who were offended when their attempt to eve-tease was resisted on the night October 20. Family, friends and well-wishers, and the numbers are swelling, of the two bravehearts from Amboli are now fighting for justice.

For a long time i sat reading this news piece,re-reading the lines "will not just be remembered for how they died but also how they lived." What more honor than dying a death of a braveheart ! 

Eve-teasing ! In ladko ko in jhagdo me padne ki kya zarurat thi ! Dekho maar diya na -People would say...not me. They stood up for what they thought was right and that is what really matters. It is the need of the hour to stand up for something,to believe that our conscience does matter. Try to scrap out the courage buried deep underneath the muck of what we had been taught and cultured to believe right. No it is not right to be a coward. No it is not right to shut up and keep mum if your inner voice speaks otherwise.

What's the point of earning a life in years if you lose respect in your own eyes. Do not force your heart and mind to confirm to someone else's ideas of what a happy and fulfilling life means. Life is not in the degrees one has amassed neither in one's salary package nor in the pricey possessions. Life is in cultivating the land of your soul with the right seeds. The fruits of which might not be visible to others...but they would make this journey worthwhile for you.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Persistent Yearning

Take those steps
small and faltering they may seem now....without any fruits of effort. But they would reap...one day they would.
Why should anybody sit and wait for life to tune up things for them ! Lets just try to become the person we always wanted to be. Each one of us have certain people we admire,appreciate,look upto. We secretly want to be that person or we want to meet and know such a person in our life...i have a better idea...try to 'be' that person !

To 'be' somewhere u have to start the journey,take that first baby step that may sound or look very insignificant,but that is where every journey begins...at the very first step. I am not writing this keeping any one thing in mind,but actually my mind is reeling with a million such things ! If you like photography dont just sit on facebook and like and comment on other people's pictures,grab a camera and go and take a shot ! Who knows you would end up doing a better job than others. If business isnt doing well then spend some time with the people who are doing good and catch some handy tricks to use. If you wish to do well in studies chart out and use your time wisely and put your best in it.

I like reading and always wished that i could write something myself,hence this blog happened. At first i was bothered about and used to think what if someone makes fun of my gibberish writing style,but that's how i decided to learn. No doubt i read much much more than i write but it's only to learn and to improve in my own writing. I dont want to become a novelist or something like a few friends of mine have suggested me. But that's because i consider writing a huge responsibility. Atleast if i become one someday (if God wills) then i certainly don't want to be the run-of-the-mill kind.

Be the one of your kind and it's me after-all who has to do all the honing and polishing for me. The process is long and tedious. It takes time to plant a seed,for it to germinate and bear fruits. Spend some time in your company,away from the humdrum of the world around you. Do it,even at the risk of sounding like a recluse because persistent yearning takes a lot of earnest persistence. Keep taking those small baby steps towards whatever you have set out to achieve,before-long you would find your treasure on the palms of your hands.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Tell me.. what you want

Well i have always made it a point to write in my blog only what i feel,i know i can't force myself into writing..even if i wanted too ! But that's just sad,because i kind of made a new year resolution to write atleast once in two days. Coming to the point this post is not so much as a an assertive writing as an attempt to understand something...an attempt to understand the articulative abilities of our counter sex.

It has bewildered me how soon men develop and lose interest in things, say for example a relationship. Why is a man's response or reaction that is muted down considered normal ? Why when a man does not talk clearly and accurately about what he wants from a relationship doesnt even raise an eyebrow ! Why are there excuses like 'He just doesnt know how to express himself' or 'this is his way of showing that he cares/loves' or 'this is how he reacts when he's sorry for something'. Well why should we accept all these cryptic gestures and read more to his actions than what he actually means ! If he really means it he can very well say it,right?

For the starters a man is always very articulative ! Atleast that he was in the starting of a relationship ! Because no girl would ever fall for a snob who keeps his feelings under wraps and fails to express himself. Every girl fondly remembers the times when the same man/bf/husband was quite romantic and open about his feelings ! So what happened now ? Frankly,i am very tired of just 'assuming' that may be when he does this or says that it means he still cares for me or loves me or thinks about me ! Well...h..e..l..l..o if you do then you could just say it mister ! I mean what's the harm in doing that.

Take it or leave it,but it's all a girl's fault. I think we are to be blamed for just going with the most convenient option. Instead of choosing the alternative of confronting him and asking him to be more expressive about what he feels/wants,we just keep mum and try to see him as we want to ! We enter into a mind-space where we have made an opinion and image of him and he is already 'that' for us,no matter what he does or says. In effect 'we' turn him into something that we 'want' him to be as opposed to seeing him for what he actually is !

Another reason for doing this could be that girls by nature have a motherly instinct. By default,there exists a pattern in us that overlooks all the wrong things and excuses them over and over again. And sometimes...it all gets carried away too far aided by these huge pile of excuses that he isnt even making ! Work made much more easier for him,as it is us who is doing even that part for him.Frankly i find that pathetic too. But then that's how we are.

Needless to say when a relation ends we are the ones doing all the mourning and crying our guts out,feeling guilty as hell. Heart broken and nauseated,lolling in self-misery indulging in all that self cursing jargon and mentally kicking ourselves for putting upto this nonsense for so long ! But no matter all the butt kicking,that's who we are ! We would always be a tad bit more kind and forgiving and we may tend to overlook all the signs of emotional injustice inflicted upon us by our partner while we are in a relationship. At times it is just better to stand up and take a stand for ourselves and to tell us that we do deserve to be shown a lot more love and respect for all this perseverance..for so long.

P.s Female readers please leave a comment regarding how much of this you had experienced yourself and male readers please do try and explain what the hell is wrong with you guys !!! :)

Friday, March 2, 2012

Vantage Points

Not sure what to write,i decided my 50th post to be a random one !
Here i am just taking time to write about how different people receive,perceive,evaluate and respond to a situation in different ways. And sometimes i really don't know what group of people are actually right and precise and which one's are wrong. Who are we to say that there is just one way to do a thing,or more so that there's just one "right" way to do a certain thing. All we do is carry a moral baton and pound ourselves and everybody else with it and end up burdened by horrendous weight of it.

We are one hell of society,tied together in our own prejudices. Prisoners of our own minds and thoughts. All of us have ended up creating a prison for ourselves and trapped us into it happily or ignorantly. The blame lies in giving 'the run' much more importance than concentrating on how well we do it,or for what we do it. No-one gets alive of this life anyway,so is it any fun in walking a line that had been chalked out for us by the people who are as mortal as us ! Or do even take time and effort to look upto God and ask what He wants us to do !

We are so badly engrossed in "doing things the right way" that sometimes we forget we are put together for a purpose in this life. Will it matter at the end of the road that how "socially correct" or "compliant" we were ! Or what would really matter is that how much we have loved and cared for others and ourselves too. I mentioned long before in one of my posts that people have very short-term memory. Nobody remembers anybody for how and what they had done,we are remembered after our lives only for the way we made others feel ! If you had loved your parents/children/spouse/friends and family and made them happy for even a handful of moments put together in all your life..that is all what counts. Nothing more or nothing less matters than that.

No amount of money/fame/popularity/coolness/designer stuff would help us to be etched in the mind of someone forever. It is our sole responsibility to become and develop day by day into a person who would be proud to finish this life one day,not only with the contentment that we had done well,but also with a hope that we had somewhere left an indelible mark in someone's heart or life.

Breaking Free of our own prejudices


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