"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sickly loneliness

Some things they say cannot be explained,certain feelings stand beyond the world of words...mocking them.

Try explaining a visually challenged the color green, and you would know how difficult it is to put into words the sickly feeling of loneliness. It comes in a sudden surge,great big waves of loneliness,you won't even know what hit you! You can experience these pangs almost anywhere and anytime,watching tv,having dinner,washing dishes. Just let your guard down for a moment and it would slap tight across your face.

What do i do then? I reach out for my phone..fast as a bolt of lightening. In what hopes...hahaa eludes me! As if someone remembers me! As if someone somewhere would have felt that something has happened 'to' me! N'ah that never happens. Just like innumerable times in the past i am highly tempted to message a loved one! But i just control myself,do not message,and save making a fool of myself.

And then when the 'wave' has crashed and receded i look around and see what i am left with.Almost invariably i always check my hands,as if expecting to find something 'lost' from them. I am standing empty handed (both literally and metaphorically). pffew...how do i make someone understand this! How do i start to put it into words! How do i say what being and feeling lonely means.....just try explaining the color green to me.

2 comments:

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

The last para is a masterpiece.. great expression.

What is loneliness? Reminds me of the dialogue from the movie Matrix, "Nobody can be told what the Matrix is all about, you have to see it for yourself"

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

thanks for handful of appreciation :)

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