"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Monday, February 27, 2012

Semantics of a male-female relationship



If we march into the world with a yard-stick to measure relationships,probably everyone would fail,that's a safe assumption i am making here.

Even the oldest,earnest and the most glorious of love stories would fall short. That's how delicate is the balance between a male-female relationship. Anyways i find the term relationship to be quite heavy,burdened even; so i prefer to use the term 'Companionship'.

So what is it that makes it work sometimes,and at times,totally not! From all that i have seen,what i have learnt is it's not just the action-reaction process but the most leverage goes to a certain something called the 'Expectations'. Yes the expectations that we harbor from the other person,and if overladen could drive the last nail in the coffin. That's what makes it work or fail,the fine balance between what is expected and what is received.

To make it clear i am not talking about the expectations in terms of materialistic goods neither the luxury nor the lavish lifestyle;they all are too shallow in this context to even consider. What i am talking about is need of time,need of space,need of being and standing for each other,time and again. One of us expects time,the other one has a tight schedule...unfulfilled expectations..leads to disappointment...and a love that could have soared high in the skies never even takes the flight.

At the risk of sounding feminist (which i am not in this particular context) i would say that more often than not,it is the female partner in a relationship that makes all the compromises. Why it is always expected that from us,is out of my mind. Husbands can be busy with their jobs,can be bad tempered because of traffic,ever tired to look after kids or lousy enough to do household chores.,if he is not there for his spouse he has a million of 'valid' excuses,handy. But the same is not true for wives,who are expected to be present for their spouse or family,without fail. If not,they fall short of the social yard stick and hence are branded no-good. I guess that's how girls are bred in India,to be considerate regarding everyone else's needs except that of their own.

For how much longer do we have to carry the burden of our ever-pleasing attitude! Can't we just for once stomp down our feet and say that enough is enough. For once i want to be stubborn,i want to be demanding. I want to be selfish and command love,respect,time and care. I do not find anything bad in that. I hope i get a partner who understands atleast this much that how crucial it is for him to balance his own part of the act in this companionship. And if our social structure thinks less of women that think this way then,well it has to be changed for the good. If not the-devil-may-care-policy always rocks :)

6 comments:

Dave King said...

This all seems very reasonable to me. How do we cast off our preconceptions?

Jasdeep said...

nobdy can ever command respect and love,,u always demand respect...ur good to others will always b criticised along,,but in the long run even the most adamant of people will notice u...

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

Me thinks the very reason relationships are getting messy because we are putting too much focus on it. just let it be and it may survive better..

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

thanks for agreeing and yes change is a slow process. It's more important for both the partners to think alike for the change to be ensued into any companionship.

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

Hmm....first of all thanks bhai for the comment !!! Happy surprise ta da da :)
Now the point,actually love and respect can be only commanded,not demanded. And yes people do not actually criticize the good,but what they do is ignore it,or tend to ignore it! Which kind of hurts...a bit,but yes i agree when you say everything gets "noticed" in the end....that's hearty :)

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

N'aah plz dont tell me vicky ! We need to stop n think about what we are doing and where exactly are we heading ! And also loss falls to our lap only. Or else,in the end male-ego always and always accomplishes whatever it sets out to.

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