"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Little Dark Room

She didn't know what to do with them. She had cherished them,for God knows how many years. They had adorned her wrists for a long long while..so long that they felt part of her own lovely fair skin. And now that they had broken..it was difficult for her to just put them away. How could she ! These bangles had once meant 'love' for her,they reminded her day and night that she was a woman,that she 'belonged' to someone.

They were not meant to be seen as burdens of a relationship but a beautiful reminder of light crispy love that covers heart as early morning dew. Those days of new love had been kept alive in her mind,everytime she saw these bangles. They helped her to remember that how she had been treated like a beloved once! That her smile once had the power to win someone's heart and her tears were a powerful weapon once too!

They had helped her keep the romance alive,even long after it had vanished,gone forever...never to return back. They had been her last hope,her 'something' to hold onto,as if just holding onto them would make everything good again! But a heart in love could give senseless advice and can change the course of all life. That's what had happened to her. She held onto them for long....too long! She wore them like her skin,she was proud of them and the worst that she had 'believed' in them!

And that's what had hurt her most,it was not the pain of bruises in her wrists,at some levels it was not even the pain of 'losing' them but it was the pain that she had 'believed' in them! She had trusted them to keep her heart from breaking. And now she had to find a place to put them away. If only it was that easy! No,they can't be kept here,where she could see them,it would be agonising. So she found the best place to keep(read discard) them. There surely she wouldn't find them,she would surely forget about them. Once decided she held them in her hands for just a while longer and then wiping the tear tracks off her face she stood up.

In a moment she had transformed from a coy,shy,innocuous girl to a women of grit and determination. For a split second that had surprised her too. Decidedly she marched to the little dark room. She has often used that unsavoury room to dump things that she didn't like. Things that she had innocently borrowed and equally innocently had forgotten to return. they had lost their charm after awhile and all had found their way to that little dark room. We all have one of those rooms. We all use it to dump things we no longer use,things we no longer like,or things we no longer want to confront. It's easy most of the times,at other times we have to fight and suppress our stupid conscience,but like it or not that little dark room becomes more stuffy with time.

She despised going into that room. That room seemed to crawl under her skin and gave her the creeps. But this had to be done,and she readied herself for the unwelcomed encounter. She placed her lovely red bangles in the dark creepy old room.But even in the cold,misty space of the room they didn't seem like 'gone'. They were still shiny,still red,in stark contrast to the room,they felt like a beating heart in a corpse. May be it will take some more time for them to find their place of rest. She tries to remind herself that life has to go on. She reluctantly comes out,bathed herself,dressed and went back to the people in her house.

Some days later she was happy,feeling unburdened even! She could laugh now,she could still do so much in life. Who said all was over! She smiles and thinks may be they say right that everything happens for good,everything happens for a reason. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months she was living again,it's good to be with family,all of them sitting in the living room,sharing laughs,cracking jokes,she too is there,laughing and cheering and basking in the warmth of the people who stand with us no matter what.But then why does it feel that someone is calling her out from that little dark room!

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