Two days back i celebrated my 30th bday. I was terrified and physically sickened to have myself landed in 'this' space. I was 30 and still single while my friends were posting their happy-family pictures with kids or atleast husbands. And here i am 30 and single!
I was scared of facing my 30th bday,i planned to sleep over it,but that was practically not possible,i planned to switch off my phone and lock myself up in my room,but i figured that it would take a hell lot of effort to build up excuses for those couple of friends who i knew would call me up at midnight and if not to anybody else then i am atleast answerable to you(Krati jain and Pratham raj) :) Then i thought why not bravely face what's inevitable ! So i did put up a smile,took wishes from mum and dad and talked to the two of my best friends and settled back to my reading of 'Red Dragon'.
Somewhere around 2 when i was retiring to bed,i had this strange feeling,i suddenly felt 'different',felt a little more relaxed and a lot more confident. What dawned on me was i guess the realization that all this while i have survived,with or without help but i have,and i surely would even now. I don't give a rat's ass about having an affair for the heck of it,or for getting married just because i am supposed to.I am finally happy being me! I have a job,it doesn't build up my bank balance but it sure does keep me on my feet,i am reading a lot,writing happily and even experimenting with colors,i no-more get worked up by things easily and burst up in flames,over the years i have learnt to be less judgmental and just enjoy what life brings my way,i feel stable much like in steady warfare position,feet firm flat on the ground and for the first time in many many years i am so sure and confident of myself. And i surely am not ready to throw all of that away...so this bday i 'actually' celebrated being more 'me'