"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Of Mindless Things....and More

I categorically remember the day i took my first baby step in this virtual world.

I always thought social networking sites are a complete waste of time. Orkut/fb/gtalk are for people who have nothing better to do with their lives. Or else who in their sane minds would prefer to sit behind a computer screen and talk silly,all the time! Nevertheless i joined all these sucker online sites.....well i had to post my pictures somewhere!! But cropping,retouching and uploading pics sort of loses it's charm after a couple of months. Fb came as a mighty rescuer...i was on a 'friend-making' spree! Not having any interesting friends back then to talk to,i would frantically be jumping from one profile to another,shooting out friend requests faster than autistic kids throw frisbees,the frequency of which was stalled only when fb had to deactivate my 'friend request sending' option from time to time..yeah that's how i learnt such an option even exists! Well those were the rosy days of making friends,chatting,getting to know about their college,work,family and friends (in any and which order)

Those days i was sucker for anything that would hold my attention for anywhere near 7 min. There was an avenue where i could meet new people,talk to them introduce them to my life easily,and if they turn out to be complete wuss or not so interesting,then eliminate them as easily by a simple option 'defriend' (kudos to fb for inventing this concept) Well suddenly i was this young,outgoing,flamboyant girl who wasn't scared of new stuff in her life. All our life we girls are taught to maintain a distance from unknown people and then suddenly i wasn't so much afraid of 'strangers'.Well my argument was i am a stranger too for someone! Am i not!

I had an amazing time,talking to people from different cultural backgrounds,from all age groups,all walks of life,different mindsets,different ideologies,different states,different family values....and then suddenly i got tired of everything. My scrutiny chart for accepting friend requests that used to read 'the person should not be a pervert..at the least' suddenly got lengthier and lengthier and i suddenly stopped accepting any friend requests altogether. I realized i had exhausted myself,i had burnt up all the fuel i had and could go on no more with this insanity. So i stopped chatting and replying to any casual hi and hello's. It's been a long time since i had known the joy of a conversation that begins with 'Hi,where do you stay,and what do you do'.

What followed was a long process of 'weeding' my friend list and within two days i had 200 ''friends'' lesser.With no offence to anyone of them, but it got just too congested for me to handle. I talk to and interact with a very tight group of people now,and for rest of them who wonder why there isn't any notification from me,well the truth is they are 'unsubscribed'(another brilliant concept from fb).I don't see them at all,these phantom-friends of mine,and thus save my self the pain of going through their nonsensical ramblings about outings with their friends,or their pizza dates or their yiepppe moments complete with the pictures that include family,friends,kids,dogs,neighbors..basically anyone that knows how to stand in front of the camera and smile stupidly for their pleasure and my pain. I mean why should i be tortured with pictures of your kids,however cute or non-cute they may be! Xcuse me, that doesn't interest me even a wee bit.All i use fb for nowadays is to check out my subscriptions of some art sites and to read some news portal pages and articles.

And just like that suddenly i had shut myself from the world.When we get tired from everything on the out that's when we start looking and exploring and knowing us from the inside.And that's how the cheerful and bubbly me who never used to leave an opportunity of having a nice coffee-time chat with anyone, turned into someone who would sit in her room alone for hours reading or writing,or sloshing paints mindlessly in scrap books,would roam around and take walks alone with ear-phones plugged in perennially and wish that no one would so much as even prod her with the slightest trace of a conversation.

I am cocooned now,not that i have turned into some kind of a sociopath! I like company,i like talking to people,people who could teach me,stimulate my thoughts,inspire me,stir a storm within me but i guess i would do all that in my own time.


Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

Yes, you are cocooned. And yes! me too.. and yes! they all are. Its just the degree or mode of cocooning that is different. My parents are cocooned in their impressions of how a family life should be. My socializing friends are cocooned in their anxiety of how to maintain their social images clean and attractive. Politicians are cocooned in their dreams of making money, Film stars are cocooned in their desires to get a hit film. Everyone is cocooned, locked up in one way or the other.. only difference is.. some are locked up in glass houses, while some in brick ones.

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

BTW, you have an art of getting the most appropriate image for the post you write. I think that's amazing. Atleast your images are breaking the cocoon very well..

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

is that not good....or what ! :P
to be very true sometimes vikas one of these images trigger the thought on which i write the blog!
There's this strange thing,first i used to read other bloggers,but then it turns out that the more i read other people i seem to lose my own sense of writing,i guess their style sticks by me,inadvertently! so instead i just read good books and keep writing,hoping some day gradually il discover a decent style of my own !
And when i want to write something but am stone cold blank i see tons of paintings and pictures,i have loads of them stored on my pc,and then when some thought strikes i know what exactly to put there !
heheheheee funny na ! :P:P
But tons of thanks for noticing it :)

Grace said...

If u r cocooned , u r so much better off than marooned !!!! Any day soon you will get those wings to fly!
i must say i liked your whole account of your experience on facebook .... i like the way you bring out the humour and try to amuse the reader with your style ...very engaging indeed!
Your writeups are interesting !!! and well- written .
Take care. With love.

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

bunch of thanks to you di :)
you praise me way more than i actually deserve !! but thanks for the encouragement,and looking forward to read your blog too soon..


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