"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its root into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." Rainier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A Colony of Ants

Sleep is a precious little thing nowadays. More than anything somedays i desire a night of peaceful bliss called sleep.
Offlate i am finding it increasingly difficult to live all by myself.Almost as if i know how dangerous it would be if ever i am left alone with this monster called "Me". The thought of meeting myself alone somewhere in a dark deserted alley sends chill down my spine,and in order to avoid that confrontation i do everything humanly possible to keep my mind occupied.
So i spend my days in a daze,mechanically going about,from one activity to another,waking up..working..driving..eating...breathing...everything that goes unaccounted for
Every single moment that i presume i could be free,i fill it up with reading or writing,piles and piles of it..mounds one over another..to hide off what i am trying so hard to hide from the world and from me ! Not finding anything else at hand,i once ended up reading a complete page of "sunday times matrimonial" and also played match-maker aunt to atleast 4 couples who seemed to be perfect for each other(atleast on paper)
My parents nowadays invariably find me perched up on my sofa-chair reading a book online or penning my diary or writing my blog.
Night i drag my tired-self to bed and earnestly wish for a sweet night sleep.But not taking any risks,so there i lie down with my bed-side lamp on and a book in my hand.When i do feel a little sleepy finally, n..e..v..e..r i get up to switch off the lamp and risk waking me up ! instead i just tug at the wire and pull of the darn switch out from the socket.
During those jolty bursts of sleep i am fully aware of the ants..crawling,bustling,shuffling from point a to point b.Some purposefully but rest not so. I shake up my head to scatter those ants eager to find as to what they are crawling on.But no matter how hard i try they tenaciously stick to something underneath.That's when i realize those ants are the thoughts crawling all over my brain in crazy frenzy,scuttling around and i just pray to good Lord if they could rest for a little while so i might have just one night of that blissful peace called sleep.


Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

Doctor jee - there is no way there can be ants in your head. Ants mostly attack things that are not used much and looking at your blog it seems your brain is what you are using most now. no way there can be ants jee..

Dr Mandeep Khanuja said...

hehee thanks vikas ! i am helpless,there are so many thoughts crowded at once in my head,i have to put it down ! even in hospital i am always writing in my diary and as soon as i am home,i type it on my blog here.Well i guess i am just making up for the lost time :)


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